First off, I would like to apologize for the length of time that has passed since my last post. Once you read this one, maybe you will understand.
As a child I dead average in the health department. I can't remember any major illnesses and even my bout of Chicken Pox at the age of 18 months was a mild case. Other than that and a very predictable case of bacterial sore throats every winter my childhood was illness free.
Injuries on the other hand were fairly common. However, since I was a bit of a tomboy they were not entirely unexpected. Three broken arms (yes, 3. You can break an arm more than once), a pinkie nail ripped off in a bike accident and the typical cuts and bruises.
The largest and by far the most painful incident happened when I was 14. I was in a car accident that should have killed me. I owe my life to God and the angel that pushed me back in the car. (Seat belts are our friends. Repeat.) Over 100 stitches in my face, a dented cheek bone, an eye lid that is still wonky to this day, and a broken collar bone. But even from this there is little lasting damage. Yes the eye lid is wonky, but that only affects my eyes when I smile. My scar is faded to the point of being almost unnoticeable and my collarbone only hurts when it's going to rain.
So why then is the title of this post, "Pain"?
It started several years ago. The general tiredness and aches that just won't go away. But I had a full time job so I powered through it and went on with my life.
Then I got pregnant and gained 40 lbs in the process. Not the best thing for my petite frame. Afterwards my back decided to let me know how it felt about that. But I brushed that aside because hadn't I always had scoliosis and lordosis? Must have just aggravated those.
And the tiredness. Well, I was a new mother. Breastfeeding every 2-3 hours around the clock. And trying to keep house on top of that.
Then this winter I couldn't explain it away anymore. I was sleeping 8+ hours a night and napping, but I still felt exhausted. Bone tired. Somedays it's all I can do to stay awake while my son plays on the floor in front of me. The depression that plagues my family creeped in on me again. I had been fighting it for over 5 years but seemed to be failing. The hereditary migraines were coming on me waves as well. Caffeine was the only release but would only help with a steady influx of it. My joints ache like I imagine they do in an elderly arthritis sufferer. My temper is short and my brain is foggy.
I feel so sorry for my poor husband. He tries to understand. But he becomes frustrated by my lack of ability to do anything. Dinner rarely is much of anything as I get too tired to fix it. The house is messy because I only have enough energy to pick up here and there. If Little One needs lifted somewhere or carried somewhere, he has to do it. 28+ lbs is just too much for my body to handle.
So I know my body is shot. But what I do not know is why. Or what to do about it. Multiple visits to the chiropractor helped the migraines for a time, but is too costly and not effective enough to continue indefinitely. Doctors will most likely just tell me I'm depressed and prescribe me some antidepressants. Well, I know I'm depressed. That's not my only problem. I've tried yoga to help loosen my muscles, but it just makes my already sore body be in even more pain. Heating pads, Icy Hot, lavender aromatherapy, hot baths, etc. What haven't I tried?
But still, at the heart of the problem is the most damning question. What is causing it? Why? Is it one issue with multiple symptoms or is it a million different issues stemming from one cause? Is my house full of mold? Are these problems just manifestations of my depression? Fibromyalgia? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? What?
All I want is to be able to spend the day with my son and not be in pain afterwards. But I guess that is too much to ask.
